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Introduction by Bill Proudman
Bill Proudman, Welp’s Co-Founder of White Men as Full Diversity Partners, provides the book’s introduction. He explains, “This is a book about diversity, equality, and inclusion, and why white men need to see these issues as their issues. Over the last two decades, my colleague Michael Welp and I have had the incredible privilege of working with thousands of white men—from front-line employees to key decision makers at the tops of the company organization charts—in re-examining their mindsets, shifting their behaviors, and helping them exemplify the change they wished to see in their organizations, and in their lives. My work has helped me see that none of this is my fault. The truth is simply that other men and I are responsible for seeing how these systemic injustices have shaped and impacted our lives and the lives of those around us. We need to become more aware, step into our unique role of helping our white male colleagues become aware, and then partner with everyone to change what we can… Four Days to Change contains our most powerful learnings and insights from running over 125 caucuses over more than two decades…
Diversity is one of our greatest strengths as a nation and as a global economic leader, while discrimination has long been our Achilles’ heel, both morally and economically. Discrimination often isn’t conscious or intentional. Recent research reveals enormous amounts of unconscious or implicit bias. For example, 88 percent of whites in the United States demonstrate an unconscious bias against blacks in studies.
Co-workers noticed the white men listened 33 percent more often after their caucus. They increasingly used the skill of inquiry across difference—asking questions inclusively of other races and women—along with four other inclusive behaviors.”
The Journey Begins
After working in South Africa, Welp realized he needed to come back to the United States to work with people like him—other white men. He felt compelled to do it. He noted that his most important work would be with his own group, white men in the United States.
From his work over the last 25 years, Welp explains he now witnesses white men from all over the United States growing the awareness and heart strength to engage their white male colleagues in creating truly inclusive organizations and communities.
In his dissertation, Welp’s biggest finding was that white men learn virtually everything about diversity from white women and people of color. Thus, white women and people of color often carry an enormous burden—educating white men.
Four Paradoxes to Explore in Diversity Partnerships:
1. Individual/Group
This is the conundrum of being a unique person with individual views but also part of a community, society, or group.
2. Sameness/Difference
This paradox is the challenge of recognizing commonality—or shared qualities, attributes, and beliefs among different groups—and at the same time acknowledging the unique differences.
White men often focus on treating everyone the same as a way to be fair and equal. So we attempt to be color-blind and gender-blind. Our intent is equality. But our impact on others is that they often feel like they have to be like us. Our standard of sameness is ourselves, using a culture we don’t realize we have. But others fit into it, so they are well aware of our culture.
You may be thinking, “I actually love my white male culture. I love that rugged tenacity and can-do attitude. For the most part, it has served me well, and I actually wouldn’t be here otherwise.” This is not about bashing white males or their culture. It’s about recognizing other perspectives. What others hear is more like ‘If you fit into my box and keep me comfortable, then I’ll treat you the same.’” In organizations, this becomes forced assimilation.
3. Support/Challenge
The most powerful learning happens in relationships where both of these forces are at work.
Think about the more powerful mentors in your life. Chances are they supported you and challenged you to do better at the same time, sometimes in the same breath. This also creates the most learning in diversity partnerships.
4. Not My Fault/I’m Responsible
Often white men feel they are being asked to carry the personal burden of historic mistreatment of other groups. It is not their fault, and they are vital participants in the dialogue needed to create more equitable systems for everyone, including white men.
Our white male culture emphasizes either/or thinking. The Leadership Skill of Balancing Key Paradoxes is about seeing the both/and rather than the either/or, that two options that seem incompatible can both be true.
The 12 Mindsets to Overcome
Mindset #1: It no longer works to see everything in life as a problem to solve.
Life is a journey in which new questions and perspectives arise. The journey itself will lead to more profound learning.
Mindset #2: Incorporate multiple perspectives, even if they are contradictory.
One way to define diversity broadly is to ask: what differences make a difference? The answer is unique, depending on context. For some, it might be their age; for others, it’s personality. But for many, race makes a difference.
We all need to ask ourselves what differences make a difference, particularly with regard to the three questions we all struggle with in groups:
- Am I in or out?
- Do I have any power or control (voice or influence)?
- Am I appreciated for my skills and resources?
To gain a complete picture of the world, it is necessary to invite multiple perspectives. They give you a more intricate view of the world. Seeing the world from only one perspective gives an incomplete view.
Mindset #3: Your strengths overused become weaknesses.
Notice when your strengths don’t serve you. Create the space to grow underutilized skills and attributes even if you feel tentative at first.
Welp explains that he believes our culture has great strengths. However, when we overuse those strengths they can become weaknesses. Here are the core threads of the fabric of White Male Culture in the United States:
- Rugged Individualism
- Low Tolerance of Uncertainty
- Action over Reflection
- Rationality over Emotion
- Time Is Linear & Future Focused
- Status & Rank over Connection
Let’s take a closer look at tensions this culture may cause—an important issue explored by linguist and anthropologist Thomas Kochman in his book Black and White Styles in Conflict. In his research of urban black culture in Chicago, he found truth is signified by the presence of emotion. In contrast, in Anglo culture, truth is signified by the absence of emotion. He argues, “We need to stop forcing other humans to conform to what is comfortable to us. Always having to be calm, rational, and neat dampens free expression and vivacity.”
Mindset #4: Learn to accept ambiguity, emotion, and discomfort.
Studies show that African Americans follow the notion of truth before peace. That is, being direct is of higher value than keeping people comfortable. In contrast, white men live more by peace before truth. That is, don’t rock the boat and don’t ask, don’t tell. We do like direct assertive communication but not at the expense of what we would describe as strong emotion or discomfort.
The Calvinist roots of white male culture predispose us to either/or thinking. We yearn for clarity and to see situations in black and white. We want a wallet card to tell us the ten things to do and not do around diversity. But it can’t all be so simplified.
Exploring White Privilege
Systemic advantage or privilege is the unspoken, unacknowledged (and often invisible) benefits that are available to people through no actions of their own, but appear to those who have them to be available to any person who wants them. Systemic advantage or privilege is often more apparent to those who don’t experience it.
Most of us have a deep belief in meritocracy. The word “merit” in Latin means “earn.” It’s a belief that if we go out and pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and work hard, we can make a place for ourselves. However, we remain blind to the systemic barriers others spend time and energy negotiating. We don’t realize the standard of treating everyone the “same” is based on a white male norm, and that others are assimilating into our world. Our intent is equality; however, our impact on others is assimilation.
“While we all share privileges from white skin, economic privileges are unevenly distributed among us. Class is a separate issue from race, and the relationship between them is also complex.” White men from poor or working-class backgrounds often have a hard time recognizing their white privilege because they identify so much with their economic struggle.
The attributes of white male culture, such as action, doing, and fixing, can crowd out our capacity to listen with the intent to understand and validate. Most white male executives move so quickly through their day from one meeting to the next that they don’t feel they have the luxury to listen.
Mindset #5: Inquire and seek the insights of others.
Maximizing inquiry will expand learning and create new partnerships. Most of us spend an overwhelming majority of our time in advocacy, arguing our positions and proving that our views are right. There is another way.
Researchers found that more than 90 percent of the time people were advocating their positions to the other party. Less than 10 percent of the time was spent in inquiry, asking questions to understand the other. In order to create a learning conversation that can break through conflict, we must reverse that ratio and eventually maintain a balance between inquiry and advocacy. Edgar Schein, author of many books on organizational culture and leadership, recently published a book called Humble Inquiry. He expressed that we emphasize doing and telling in our business cultures, which cuts off critical learning.
The book Blindspot reveals that only 10 to 15 percent of Americans openly express prejudice against black Americans. However, about 75 percent of Americans display an implicit, and automatic, preference for white relative to black. Today, unconscious bias is more pervasive in the workplace than conscious bias.
Asking a powerful question—and listening and being present for the answer—is a way to create a new partnership.
Mindset #6: Focus on the present to create immediate and deeper connection—with yourself and others.
Our focus is often on creating the future or examining the past while neglecting the present.
Being comfortable with silence is normal for many cultures but is often a radical act for white men, especially business leaders.
Mindset #7: Recognize we are all in this together.
Discover our interdependence. Our interconnectedness is more critical to our ultimate survival as a species than any sense of independence that may resonate with you now.
Our culture’s emphasis on rugged individualism can mask how interdependent we really are in today’s world. This interdependence exists both on a global scale and interpersonally—with the people we work with daily. As white guys, we like our independent streaks.
Mindset #8: Explore just being, and step out of doing.
We often assume our essential value comes from focusing on action and getting things done. But acting without reflection can derail success. New paths open when we take the time to just be.
Mindset #9: Show up with vulnerability—it’s a form of courage.
There is a price men pay for hiding their vulnerability. We’ve learned to hide behind the armor, which feels safe but creates a lonely jail. In our white male culture, we define much of our identity by what we do in our jobs. So when we know each other’s jobs, we think we know each other. Our curiosity often stops there.
The tenets of white male culture: be the rugged individual, don’t ask for help and don’t say “I don’t know,” stay rational and don’t show emotion, focus on action, limit personal sharing or reflection, pay attention to status and rank, and opt for playful banter over deep connection.
Proudman points out, “Most of us men hide both physical pain and emotional pain from others. We hide our incompetency too, for fear of embarrassment.” If you’re vulnerable, you’ll create more openness and deeper connections than ever before.
Richard Leider, author of nine books, interviewed thousands of seniors about what they would have done differently in their lives. He always finds three themes:
- Hit the pause button and be more reflective.
- Be more courageous in sharing their voice and authenticity.
- Make sure their lives mattered—that they made a difference in the world.
Most of us on our deathbeds will not wish we had worked more and spent less time with our families. Yet the cultural treadmill many white men are sprinting on pulls them out of work/life balance at the expense of themselves and those close to them. In a 2013 Pew Research study on working families, 46 percent of fathers report they don’t think they spend enough time with their children, versus 23 percent of mothers.
Mindset #10: Be conscious of intent and impact.
By tuning into both the intent and impact we have on each other, we build a foundation for full partnership.
Consider the plight of women, who often find themselves in a “double bind.” They struggle to be tough or assertive and nice at the same time. As men, we just get to be assertive.
Catalyst’s report, “The Double-Bind Dilemma for Women in Leadership”, studied perceptions of more than a thousand leaders from across Europe and the United States and identified three predicaments:
- Extreme Perceptions—too soft, too tough, and never just right. In fact, when women act consistent with gender stereotypes, they are viewed as less competent leaders (too soft). When women act in ways inconsistent with such stereotypes, they’re considered unfeminine (too tough).
- High Competence Threshold—female leaders face higher standards and lower rewards than male leaders. They have to prove over and over again that they can lead and manage others’ stereotypical expectations constantly.
- Competent but Disliked—as leaders, women are perceived as either competent or likable, but rarely both.
Research shows that women don’t ask for raises as much as men do. A recent survey of 2,000 men and women found 39 percent of women said they asked for a higher salary when starting a new job, compared to 54 percent of men. The same survey said that 75 percent of women do get more money when they ask for it.
Everyone has work to do to be aware of implicit or unconscious bias. But it isn’t the sole role of women, who are on the receiving end of the bias, to raise the issues. As men, we have a role in calling gender issues out with other men.
It’s still a male-dominated world in many companies, especially at the top. The latest surveys show that only 6.1 percent of Fortune 1000 company CEOs are female, 16.3 percent of Fortune 500 board directors are female, and 14.1 percent of executive officers are women. When Credit Suisse examined 2,400 global corporations from 2005 to 2011, before and after the last financial crisis, they found that large-cap companies with at least one woman on their boards outperformed comparable companies with all-male boards by 26 percent.
Welp explains, “One of our African American colleagues, Cherie Buckner-Webb, likes to say, ‘I don’t want you to get rid of your privilege. I want you to use it honorably.’ You can use your privilege to challenge male colleagues, whereas a woman saying the same thing might be seen as having a chip on her shoulder.”
The Collision of Sexual Orientation and Religion
Regardless of our sexual orientation, virtually all white men have been raised in an environment where homophobia is woven into our gender conditioning.
This is not meant as an attempt to change your religious beliefs. There is actually room for you to hold onto whatever beliefs you already have and still have empathy for others who are different and support their right to be who they are in the workplace. People don’t need to agree on all kinds of moral issues in order to work together.
Proudman puts it this way, “You can hold whatever religious values you choose, and still be an ally. This is not an either/ or; it’s a both/and. People disagree all the time on moral issues such as abortion, capital punishment, and divorce, and yet we still work together. Sometimes it may take dialogue, but we can find space to coexist without imposing our beliefs on each other.”
Mindset #11: Notice abundance rather than assume scarcity.
When our worldview is one of scarcity, we succumb to fear and struggle. Yes, some resources are finite, but others are infinite. Share the wealth.
Welp says, “I can help other white guys see the complexities of diversity. Seeing the world from an either/or lens is limiting. I like the statement that my view of the world isn’t wrong; more likely it is incomplete. Treating everyone the same and being color blind may seem like a simple solution, but it forces everyone to fit into our white male version of sameness.”
Proudman chimes in, “Sometimes we say that white men actually have as much or more to gain from diversity than any other group because we typically have the least awareness of the water we swim in. We have the most room to learn and grow. Sometimes we apply an assumption of zero sum or finiteness to something that is actually infinite.”
Mindset #12: Notice, appreciate, and acknowledge what is working well.
In another aspect of our privilege, we can choose whether and how to engage other white guys around diversity. Most often the burden to educate other white men is left to people of color, white women, and other groups. Organizational cultures will truly shift their inclusion when white guys begin to engage other white guys on this topic.
Our strong problem-solving muscle has us often looking to address what’s wrong in order to solve it. Put your attention on what you want to grow.
Two recent Catalyst studies researched the impact of White Men’s Caucuses and White Men & Allies Learning Labs on leaders at Rockwell Automation. The first report, Calling All White Men: Can Training Help Create Inclusive Workplaces?, found that co-workers rated white men 31 percent higher on inquiring across difference after the lab. Men noticeably improved at asking questions of people different from themselves.
The second study, Anatomy of Change: How Inclusive Cultures Evolve, confirmed the organizational culture itself was impacted.
May you learn from these mindsets and thrive in our diverse world, as you shoot for the stars!