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Steven Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: “Next to physical survival, the greatest need of a human being is psychological survival, to be understood, to be affirmed, to be validated, to be appreciated.”
Each person on your team wants to know what they are doing matters. In fact, the #1 factor in job satisfaction is not the amount of pay received but whether or not the individual feels appreciated and valued. Chapman and White point out that “Just Say Thanks” doesn’t work…instead, recognition must be individualized and delivered personally—and valuable to the person. You need to apply the “Platinum Rule”—treat others the way they want to be treated.
Here are the 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace:
Words of Affirmation
One way to express words of affirmation is to verbally praise the person. Praise typically focuses on a specific achievement or accomplishment (it’s not just, “Good job! Keep it up!”). This is the most common language used in the workplace.
In addition to affirming co-workers for accomplishments, we can also affirm their character. All of us appreciate positive character traits in those with whom we work (e.g., perseverance, courage, humility, self-discipline, compassion, forgiveness, honesty, integrity, patience, kindness, unselfishness). We when verbally affirm these character traits, we recognize one of our organization’s greatest assets.
Quality Time
Quality time has two different components: quality conversation and shared experiences. When two people share their thoughts & feelings in a friendly, uninterrupted context and truly seek to understand one another, they are speaking the language of quality time. Research shows the average person listens for only 17 seconds before they interrupt and give their own ideas! Try not to be average…
For quality time, men generally prefer shared experiences (e.g., hunting, fishing, or sporting events) over long sit-down conversations.
Acts of Service
To serve others effectively, here are some things to keep in mind:
- Make sure your own responsibilities are covered
- Ask before you help
- Serve voluntarily
- Do the task with a positive attitude (“Work done with a cheerful attitude is like rain falling on the desert.” – Ancient Proverb)
- If you’re going to help, do it their way
- Complete what you start (Before you begin, communicate limits on your time)
Workers who help each other create a positive, encouraging work climate that benefits everyone.
Tangible Gifts
This language is not about raises or bonuses. Instead, gift giving as a language of appreciation takes into account the following questions: “What would this person enjoy? What are their interests? What would make them feel special and appreciated?” More often than not, gifts people appreciate are “experiences”, not “things”…so this language can overlap with the “shared experiences” from the language of quality time.
Physical Touch
While Physical Touch is not foundational in most work-place settings, the authors do not believe the workplace should be a “touch-less” environment. Some team members agree with these statements:
- I feel important when someone gives a firm handshake to communicate “Job well done.”
- I feel appreciated when someone gives me a “high five” when I’ve done a good job.
- A simple pat on the back by a friend inspires me to persevere through a difficult task.
- I know I am appreciated when a coworker stands by me and puts their hand on my shoulder while giving me a verbal compliment.
- When a personal tragedy occurs, I appreciate a hug from a co-worker.
This language tests your skills in observation. People who feel appreciated by Physical Touch usually are those who touch others.
So What?
What are the key takeaways for you as a leader?
- There are different ways to communicate appreciation to others
- Individuals tend to have preferences of being shown that they are appreciated and valued—and some preferences more significant than others
- The most effective communication of appreciation occurs when the message is sent in the language most valued by the receiver
- Messages of appreciation in languages not valued by the recipient will tend to miss the mark
So, how can you discover someone’s Language of Appreciation?
- Observe their behavior—what language do they use the most? But be careful…25% of the population speaks one language but wishes to receive another!
- Observe what they request of others
- Listen to their complaints
This quote from the book resonated with our team, “Communicating appreciation and encouragement effectively isn’t rocket science…”
What about you? Do you know the primary appreciation languages of your team members? Are you speaking them appropriately?
May you build a culture of appreciation around you, as you shoot for the stars!