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Jesus’ Advice for Addressing Conflict
While delivering the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus dealt with the issue of conflicts brought about either by others offending us or by our offending them. No matter which side caused the problem, the solution is the same:
- Go to the person with whom you are experiencing a conflict and address the issues face-to-face. This advice has served me well both professionally and personally. I’ve found that going to the source of my conflict always produces better results. Even as a parent, it’s often tempting to go to the Principal when there seem to be issues with one of my kid’s teachers, but I know the teacher always has a different perspective than what my kid has shared with me! It’s always best to avoid involving another party, as that will only serve to intensify the conflict and further undermine the relationship.
- Go to the person quickly. Jesus made it clear that relational harmony is so important that it must be achieved before effective worship can take place (Matthew 5:24). The key to conflict management is prompt resolution—through “speaking the truth in love”, as Paul says in Ephesians 4:15.
- Seek to understand the other person’s perspective. This is one of Covey’s “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, and it is advice that works well in conflict.
- Ensure your commitment to the relationship remains a stronger focus than your commitment to winning an argument. If your focus is on winning arguments, you’ll definitely lose friends and destroy relationships…no matter how many arguments you ultimately “win.”
So, how can you be most effective in managing conflict? Paul offers us some advice in Ephesians 4:
Imagine how people would approach conflict if humility, gentleness, and patience provided the context in which all participants viewed the situation and if unity and peace were the sole motives. When we exercise humility, gentleness, and patience with one another, we have a much greater chance of producing the best outcomes: greater productivity, more honesty, unity, and peace.
Conflict isn’t always negative. Sometimes, conflict produces energy, and energy can be channeled in positive directions. God uses conflict in his creation to produce a greater good. The fire in the picture above makes me think of how God uses fire in forests to rebuild, refresh, and renew. Last week, we visited Mesa Verde National Park, where the Anasazi Indians created cliff dwellings. I even climbed a 32-foot ladder to get to Balcony House (which is pretty good considering I don’t like heights)! As we traveled through Mesa Verde, we noticed nearly 75% of the foliage was burned. We later learned that was from the great fire of 2002…and you could see the signs of new growth, just 12 years later.
The final fire that the Bible speaks of in 2 Peter and again in Revelation isn’t meant for new growth…but to end what is dead in Christ (more of a pruning, if you will). The bottom line is that conflicts can’t be avoided…but they can be managed. Wise leaders are devoted to learning how to do just that…
May your conflict management skills serve you well as you shoot for the stars!