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Develop a Kind Attitude
Kindness, to be perfect and lasting, must be a conscious imitation of God. If you are earnestly conforming yourself to the image of Jesus Christ, sharpness, bitterness, and sarcasm disappear. The very attempt to be like Jesus is already a source of sweetness within you, flowing with an easy grace over all who come within your reach.
When you are kind, you put others in the place of yourself; and self-love becomes unselfishness.
Kindness anticipates others’ needs and wishes and is the most graceful attitude you can assume toward another.
To become a member of the Fraternity of Kindness, follow these simple rules:
Don’t:
- Speak unkindly of anyone.
- Speak unkindly to anyone.
- Act unkindly toward anyone.
Do:
- Speak kindly of someone at least once a day.
- Think kindly about someone at least once a day.
- Act kindly toward someone at least once a day.
If you want to make friends, go out of your way to do things for other people—things that require time, energy, unselfishness, and thoughtfulness. Make some sacrifice each day in order to render a service to another. Make other people feel important, and do it sincerely.
There is a law that, if obeyed, will bring you countless friends and constant happiness. Jesus taught it centuries ago and summed it up in one sentence: “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”
One way of getting along with people is the ability to give in. Strength of character means the ability to give in to others from motives of love, kindness, and humility, and to do so gracefully.
A smile is one of nature’s best means of making people happy. One of the most delightful factors in a personality is a real heartwarming smile that comes from within. Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, “I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you.” A smile is no earthly good to anyone until it is given away. With a smile, you can bring new life and hope and courage into the hearts of the weary, the overburdened, the discouraged, the tempted, and the despairing. Your smile can prepare the way for a sinner’s return to God. It can promote contentment, joy, satisfaction, encouragement, and confidence in the hearts of others.
The essence of Christianity is to be found in selfless service bestowed upon your neighbor for the love of God. The sign of a true Christian is that he loves God and loves his neighbor as himself. Greed, envy, and jealousy breed hate, not love; hence, they have no place in the life of a follower of Christ.
In his Introduction to the Devout Life, St. Francis de Sales tells us, “The person who possesses Christian meekness is affectionate and tender toward everyone; he is disposed to forgive and excuse the frailties of others.” Take the advice of St. Paul: “Do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the Devil.” He went on to say, “Men must have patience with one another, and the bravest are those who put up the best with the imperfections of their fellowmen.”
St. Margaret Mary gives us this advice: “Never keep up any coldness toward your neighbor, or else the Sacred Heart of Jesus Christ will keep aloof from you. When you resentfully call to mind former slights that you have received, you oblige our Lord to recall your past sins which His mercy had made Him forget.”
Discover the transforming power of kind thoughts
Kind thoughts give power to words and works. Without kind thoughts, there can be no charity.
Character is both formed and influenced in the world of your thoughts.If you have a kind heart, your words and deeds will also be kind.
Your soul is a garden in which you may plant the fairest flowers of loving thoughts.
Learn to Speak Kindly
Dedicate yourself to truth
There is no greater source of friction than the one caused by the misuse of the tongue. The eighth commandment—“Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor”—calls for us to speak truth.
A person’s good name is his most valuable possession. The Scriptures say, “A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches.”
St. Peter said, “Put away all malice and all guile and insincerity and envy and all slander.” And St. James deemed it necessary to give the following warning to the first believers: “Do not speak evil against one another, brethren. He that speaks evil against a brother or judges his brother speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is one lawgiver and judge: He who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you that you judge your neighbor?”
Gossip is the most common of all sins of the tongue. Although often called harmless, it is in fact rarely so because it hits at character. Character is what we are, and God knows that best. Reputation is what people say we are, and people say what they think. Your answer to what you think of a person is the reputation you give him. Reputation is the picture of character.
Gossip is fatal to friendship and to family happiness. We are told in the Scriptures that “a flattering mouth works ruin.” One of the Beatitudes in the Sermon on the Mount is “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.”
The opposite must also be true: “Cursed are the troublemakers, for they shall be called sons of the Devil.”
Here are some practical hints to help you overcome gossip:
- Never say behind a man’s back what you are ashamed to say to his face.
- Learn to mind your own business.
- Avoid people who gossip.
Be charitable in your speech
A kind word is spoken as easily as a harsh one—even more easily, for with it goes the consciousness of its value and the good it will do; whereas, with the harsh, unkind word goes the consciousness of cowardice and meanness and of great harm done.
The best remedy for harsh, angry words is silence. You must learn to say nothing at all, when you know that anything said will hurt another in some way. If you are tempted to anger, train yourself to keep silence for thirty seconds and say a little prayer for patience. Then you will deal with people reasonably and effectively.
Benjamin Franklin, tactless in his youth, became so diplomatic at handling people that he was made American Ambassador to France. The secret of his success was this policy:
If you know how to avoid quarrels, you have the power of promoting happiness wherever you go. Here are some practical suggestions:
- Say nothing that will arouse anger in another.
- Show respect for the other person’s opinions.
- If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
- If you are right, try to win people gently and tactfully to your way of thinking.
- Be keen to perceive when somebody else’s feelings are hurt.
- Be sympathetic with another person’s ideas and desires.
- Appeal to nobler motives.
It is a sign of Christian charity and of strong character to argue for a point calmly, open-mindedly, objectively, and courteously, even though warmly and earnestly.
In all differences of opinion, especially in dealing with self-opinionated people, be charitable by adopting the line of conduct of Christ Himself— that is, silence. The evangelist speaks of Jesus at His trial in these words: “Jesus was silent.” It is not in the spirit of Jesus to meet obstinacy with obstinacy when you come across an error, no matter how sure you are of your opinion.
Learn to avoid speaking unkindly
Here are some remedies for unkind words:
- Learn to be silent, especially when you are angry or disturbed.
- Don’t repeat gossip and slander.
- Remember the two-to-one ratio, which applies to listening & speaking: God gave you one mouth and two ears.
- Openly oppose uncharitable talk, or counteract it by eloquent silence.
- Speak of things, not of people.
- If you cannot say anything good about someone, say nothing at all.
- Don’t deceive yourself by false excuses for unkind talk.
- Avoid harsh words. Harsh words wound the heart and disturb the soul.
- Bear with your neighbor in spite of his faults. You yourself have faults others must bear with.
- Pray for your neighbor.
St. Margaret Mary’s sound advice is this: “Be humble toward God and gentle with your neighbor. Judge and accuse no one but yourself, and ever excuse others. Speak of God always to praise and glorify Him; speak of your neighbor only with respect. Do not speak of yourself at all, either well or ill… Above all, let us carefully keep silence on occasions that mortify us. Let us be charitable and humble, both in our thoughts and words.”
Remember our Lord’s warning: “On the Day of Judgment, men will render account for every careless word they utter.” Imitate the graciousness of Christ. Graciousness is the quality of being sincerely kind and loving toward others in word and deed, of bestowing favors courteously, and of rendering services freely and affably.
Seek the blessings of kind words
There is hardly anything in the world that costs less and is worth more than a kind word. Many things are done by men, and at far greater cost, that yet do not confer on the world half the blessings that flow from one single word of love.
Kind words have the power to destroy prejudices. Kind words make others happy. How often have you yourself been made happy by kind words, in a manner and to an extent that you cannot explain? In fact, kind words may be more influential than even actions.
The more humble you are, the more kindly you will speak. The more kindly you speak, the more humble you will grow. An air of superiority is foreign to genuine kindness. Kind listening, as well as kind speaking, is also a grace. Just listening to other people is a superbly effective way of encouraging them, and that is a great act of charity.
Kind listening is often an act of the most delicate interior self-denial and is a great help toward kind speaking. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. Exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important; nothing else is so flattering.
Show your love in kind deeds
Cultivate a love that overflows in kind deeds
There is no power in the world so great as that of love which never loses its strength, never knows its age, and always renews itself. Filial love, fraternal love, conjugal love, patriotism: all are the offshoots of the divine love, rooted in the heart of Jesus, which broke in death so that it might bring love to the world.
Love seeks to assert itself by deeds. Love, a very real force, is not content with fair words. Our Lord wants your life to be love in action, even as His was, for He said, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.”
Sooner or later, love will be triumphant. Love always succeeds.
Perform works of mercy
The object of love of God is the honor and glory of God; the object of love of neighbor is the spiritual and temporal welfare of your fellowmen and, through that, the honor and glory of God. You must love your neighbor for God’s sake.
Your first duty is to give material help to your neighbor whenever possible. Jesus said, “For I was hungry, and you gave me food; I was thirsty, and you gave me drink. I was naked, and you clothed me.”
The chief corporal works of mercy are: to feed the hungry, to give drink to the thirsty, to clothe the naked, to visit the imprisoned, to shelter the homeless, to visit the sick, and to bury the dead.
St. Ignatius Loyola gives this advice: “I counsel you to devote yourself to aiding the soul of your neighbor in such a manner that you may always have for your own the care that is fitting to preserve it and to perfect it in every kind of virtue, to the glory of our Lord God.”
Reap the rewards of kind deeds
Kind deeds for the love of God have the power to make you truly holy. In fact, kindness makes you a friend of Jesus and kind deeds lead you to God. Every step you take on the road of kindness is a long stride toward God. St. John Climacus once remarked, “Every creature is a ladder to raise us to God.”
Kind actions also help to get rid of your selfishness.
Kindness is the easiest road to humility, and perhaps the surest. A proud man is seldom a kind man. Humility makes you kind, and kindness makes you humble.
Kindness imparts true wisdom. St. James says, “The wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, without uncertainty or insincerity. And the harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.”
Faithful, self-forgetting service, love that spends itself over and over, is the secret of true happiness. Happiness is a mosaic composed of many smaller stones. The little acts of kindness, the little courtesies, are the things that, added up at night, constitute the secret of a happy day. Try to make at least one person happy every day.
There is perhaps nothing that counts for more in life, and the memory of which lasts longer and more blessedly, than just that simple quality of heart: kindness. If you sow deeds of kindness, you will have a perpetual harvest.
