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A story is told about a boy who valiantly but unsuccessfully attempted to move a heavy log in order to clear a path to his favorite hideout. His dad stood quietly nearby, observing his son straining against the load. Finally, he said, “Son, why aren’t you using all your strength?”
Confused and a little angry, the boy responded, “Dad, I’m using every last little bit of strength I have!”
“No, son, you’re not,” his dad quietly responded. “You haven’t asked me to help.”
How many of us are carrying heavy loads without asking for help? At work, we refer to this as “More-on” behavior…continuing to take more and more on and trying to get it all done ourselves. Unfortunately, many of us were rewarded for those behaviors before we moved into leadership roles, when we had to learn the art of delegation.
Generating Goodwill
Let’s explore a few examples from David’s life:
One, in 1 Samuel 30:26-30, David distributes plunder he earned from battle to elders in various parts of Israel. He understood the importance of planning for the future and building relationships based on trust and mutual benefit that would serve him well in the years ahead.
Leaders who look for and participate in strong alliances build a store of relational resources that can be of immeasurable value in times of change or crisis.
Two, because of David’s investment in others, he created allies who were willing to invest in his continued success. In 2 Samuel 15:32-37, we see Hushai, a friend of David, put his life on the line for the king. He agreed to be a “mole” in Absalom’s court when Absalom (David’s son) sought to kill David. Hushai possessed courage and cunning, stepping in to help his leader in a way no one else could. Why? Because he and David cultivated a deep and trusting relationship over the years.
Allies are expensive—they cost in time, thoughtfulness, and devotion—but genuine allies are valuable because they can’t be bought!
Walking with the Wise?
Proverbs 13:20 (The Message): Become wise by walking with the wise; hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces.
Wise leaders turn adversaries into allies. In their article, “Make Your Enemies Your Allies,” Uzzi and Dunlap present these 3 R’s to turn enemies into allies:
- Redirect your rival’s negative emotions, so they are channeled away from you. They point out how research shows “trust is based on both reason and emotions. If the emotional orientation toward a person is negative—typically because of a perceived threat—then reason will be twisted to align with those negative feelings.”
- Reciprocity: Give before you ask. Uzzi and Dunlap point out, “If you give and then ask for something right away in return, you don’t establish a relationship; you carry out a transaction.”
- Rationality: When rationality follows redirection and reciprocity, it should push your adversary into considering the situation from a reasoned standpoint, fully comprehending the expectations and benefits…and understanding that through continued rejection of the relationship, an opportunity could be lost.
Uzzi and Dunlap conclude by explaining that “rivalries help no one; indeed success often depends on not just neutralizing your foes but turning them into collaborators.”
Remember the boy struggling to move the log. Are there people standing quietly by, watching you struggle with your tasks? Part of your job as a leader is to build healthy alliances and to encourage others to step forward and help you. By doing so, you’ll accomplish two goals: lightening your own load and helping to develop leadership in others!