Trust: The Foundation for Relationships

No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar. - Abraham Lincoln

As parents, we are the most important role models for our children. Psalm 51:5 notes that our kids are born with a sin nature, “Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.” With that comes a propensity to lie. Dr. Elizabeth Berger, a child psychiatrist and author of Raising Kids With Character, notes that an occasional lie about homework, chores or toothbrushing is not unusual. She explains, “Children who are anxious, who feel that they can’t handle some kind of situation, may lie. It could be a sign of any number of stresses that the child is under.”

When a child or adolescent lies, parents should first take a hard look in the mirror. Are our kids seeing us model the importance of honesty at home and in the community? Fortunately, I did.

Let me recount a story I distinctly remember from my elementary school. I was in the first grade, and we would walk from our classroom across campus to the library to read using timed reading machines. I was using a pencil from the library and accidentally took it with me. When I got to class, I realized my mistake and asked the teacher if I could return the pencil. I returned it to the library, and the librarian made such a big deal of it that it made a lasting impression nearly 40 years later! I didn’t appreciate it at the time, but honesty truly is a rare commodity…

I’ve found that to be the case in the workplace as well. The best book I’ve read on the subject is Stephen Covey’s The Speed of Trust. Covey notes that when trust goes up, speed improves, and costs of doing business go down. He also notes that to build trust, we must first start with ourselves.

Click here to see my March 2014 summary of The Speed of Trust.

Lying

As we enter the ninth month of the year, our focus shifts to the Ninth Commandment—“You Shall Not Lie.”  Interestingly, the Ninth Commandment is somewhat an extension of the Sixth Commandment—“You shall not kill”.  We have all likely experienced violence with words, so we shouldn’t be too surprised to see the effects of verbal violence:  slander, gossip, and dishonesty.

James points out that an unbridled tongue is “an unruly evil and full of deadly poison” (3:8).  Ultimately, James concludes that the way we talk to and about one another provides a window into our spirits—a window that reveals whether or not the Sprit of God dwells there, and who exactly is lord of our lives: God or ourselves.

Proverbs tells us that “death and life are in the power of the tongue” (18:21) and “a wholesome tongue is a tree of life (15:4).  There are three common types of lies:  speaking what is not true, deliberately doing so, and doing so with an intent to deceive.

Words can spur others to follow God, and they can also cause others to abandon God or disobey him. The use of speech for foul play can be observed in numerous instances in Scripture, each case reminding us that many of the sins committed against previous commands start out with this command. Do we use words to muddy the waters of truth? Or do we use them to clear things up?

In 2013, Sam and Annaka Harris wrote a book entitled Lying that offers some useful perspective.

Click here to continue.