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Wambach explains, “What I loved most about soccer was being a teammate to women and a leader of women. As the co-captain of the United States women’s national soccer team, I was charged with uniting twenty-three women—each of whom had achieved success because of her individual talent—and inspiring each to commit to the collective… Our time on the U.S. Women’s National Team turned us into more than just winners. We turned each other into better friends, citizens, and human beings”
As Ava DuVernay, the first black woman to direct a film nominated for an Oscar for Best Picture, said, “Regarding glass ceilings … I’m mostly bolstered by folks who create their own ceilings. I’m less interested in banging down the door of some man who doesn’t want me there. I’m more about building my own house.”
#1 – You Were Always the Wolf
Old Rule: Stay on the path.
New Rule: Create your own path.
Little Red Riding Hood’s message is clear: Follow the rules. Don’t be curious. Don’t say too much. Don’t expect more. Otherwise, bad things will happen.
But Wambach notes, “Every good thing that has come to me—and the women I respect—has happened when we dared to venture off the path. There is a wolf inside of every woman. Her wolf is who she was made to be before the world told her who to be. Her wolf is her talent, her power, her dreams, her voice, her curiosity, her courage, her dignity, her choices—her truest identity.”
CALL TO THE WOLFPACK:
Become what you imagine. Create what you need. You were never Little Red Riding Hood. You were always the Wolf.
#2 – Be Grateful AND Ambitious
Old Rule: Be grateful for what you have.
New Rule: Be grateful for what you have AND demand what you deserve.
In 2015, when the U.S. Women’s National Team won the World Cup championship, the Women’s National Team turned a profit of $6.6 million, whereas the Men’s National Team earned a profit of just under $2 million.
On average, women across the globe will earn significantly less than men in equivalent positions throughout their careers. In the first quarter of 2018, women in the U.S. earned 81.1 percent of what their male counterparts earned across all industries and ages. Studies have shown that, on average, women must work sixty-six extra days in order to earn the same salary as their male counterparts. Wage inequity is even more devastating for women of color: Black women are typically paid only 63 cents, and Latina women only 54 cents, for every dollar paid to their white, male counterparts.
What keeps the pay gap in existence is not just the entitlement and complicity of men. It’s the gratitude of women. Our gratitude is how power uses the tokenism of a few women to keep the rest of us in line.
CALL TO THE WOLFPACK:
Be grateful. But do not JUST be grateful. Be grateful AND brave. Be grateful AND ambitious. Be grateful AND righteous. Be grateful AND persistent. Be grateful AND loud. Be grateful for what you have AND demand what you deserve.
#3 – Lead from the Bench
Old Rule: Wait for permission to lead.
New Rule: Lead now—from wherever you are.
At the end of her career, Wambach was not a starter, but that did not stop her from contributing. Whatever it was—comfort, encouragement, tough love, instruction—Wambach offered it. At the end of the game, she explained that she was so exhausted, it was like she’d played all ninety minutes. The starters had left it all on the field; and Wambach had left it all on the bench. She did that again and again throughout the entire tournament, and the team won the World Cup that year. As she explained, “We celebrated together—starters and bench players—as one team.”
Here’s what’s important: You are allowed to be disappointed when it feels like life’s benched you. What you aren’t allowed to do is miss your opportunity to lead from the bench. If you’re not a leader on the bench, don’t call yourself a leader on the field. You’re either a leader everywhere or nowhere.
Leadership is not a position to earn, it’s an inherent power to claim. Leadership is the blood that runs through your veins—it’s born in you. It’s not the privilege of a few, it is the right and responsibility of all. Leader is not a title that the world gives to you—it’s an offering that you give to the world.
CALL TO THE WOLFPACK:
If you have a voice, you have influence to spread. If you have relationships, you have hearts to guide. If you know young people, you have futures to mold. If you have privilege, you have power to share. If you have money, you have support to give. If you have a ballot, you have policy to shape. If you have pain, you have empathy to offer. If you have freedom, you have others to fight for. If you are alive, you are a leader.
#4 – Make Failure Your Fuel
Old Rule: Failure means you’re out of the game.
New Rule: Failure means you’re finally IN the game.
Someone taped a small 5 × 7 photograph next to the door of the Women’s National Team’s locker room, so it would be the last thing every player saw before she headed out to the training field. It was a picture of their longtime rival—the Norwegian national team—celebrating after having just beaten the USA in the 1995 World Cup. It was a picture of their own team’s last defeat.
In order to become a champion—on and off the field—spend your life transforming failures into fuel. Wambach argues that women haven’t accessed the power of failure. When it comes, women panic, deny it, or reject it outright. Worst-case scenario, women view failure as proof that they were always unworthy imposters. Men have been allowed to fail and keep playing forever. Why do women let failure take them out of the game?
Women must stop accepting failure as destruction and start using failure as fuel. Failure is not something to be ashamed of—nor is it proof of unworthiness. Failure is something to be powered by.
As Wambach put it, “Let’s stop worrying: What if I fail? Instead, let’s promise ourselves: When I fail, I’ll stick around. The world needs to see women take risks, fail big, and insist on their right to stick around and try again. And again. And again. A champion never allows a short-term failure to take her out of the long-term game. A woman who doesn’t give up can never lose.”
CALL TO THE WOLFPACK:
Try. Fail. Feel it burn. Then transform Failure into your Fuel.
#5 – Champion Each Other
Old Rule: Be against each other.
New Rule: Be FOR each other.
Sometimes you will be the goal scorer. Wambach was that goal scorer 184 times during her international career. If you watch footage of any of those goals, you’ll see that the moment after she scored, she began to point—to the teammate who assisted; to the defender who protected; to the midfielder who ran tirelessly; to the coach who dreamed up the play; and to the bench player who willed the moment into existence.”
Wambach explained, “I’ve never scored a goal in my life without getting a pass from someone else. Every goal I’ve ever scored belonged to my entire team. When you score, you better start pointing.”
Championing each other can be difficult for women because for so long we have been pitted against each other for the token seat at the table. Maintaining the illusion of scarcity is how power keeps women competing for the singular seat at the old table, instead of uniting and building a new, bigger table.
Revolutions are won with collective action. We will take action on behalf of all of us.
CALL TO THE WOLFPACK:
Her victory is your victory. Celebrate with her. Your victory is her victory. Point to her.
#6 – Demand the Ball
Old Rule: Play it safe. Pass the ball.
New Rule: Believe in yourself. Demand the ball.
The most inspiring thing on earth is a woman who believes in herself, who gives 100 percent, and who owns her greatness unapologetically.
In the end, owning and unleashing all your power isn’t just about you. It’s also about the domino effect. When you stand up and demand the ball, you give others permission to do the same. The Wolfpack’s collective power begins by unleashing the power of each individual Wolf. As it says in The Jungle Book: The strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.
CALL TO THE WOLFPACK:
Believe in yourselves. Stand up and say: GIVE ME THE BALL. GIVE ME THE JOB. GIVE ME THE SAME PAY THAT THE GUY NEXT TO ME GETS. GIVE ME THE PROMOTION. GIVE ME THE MICROPHONE. GIVE ME THE OVAL OFFICE. GIVE ME THE RESPECT I DESERVE— AND GIVE IT TO MY WOLFPACK, TOO.
#7 – Bring It All
Old Rule: Lead with dominance. Create Followers.
New Rule: Lead with humanity. Cultivate Leaders.
Real leaders know who they are and bring every bit of themselves to whomever they lead. Real leaders don’t mimic a cultural construct of what a leader looks, sounds, and acts like. They understand that there are as many authentic ways to lead as there are people.
Before Pia Sundage was hired as Coach of the National Team, the team was made up of a few leaders and dozens of followers. After Pia, the team’s leadership structure was slowly broken down and re-created. Off the field, Wambach’s role as co-captain became less about making pronouncements to everyone and more about eliciting ideas from everyone.
This new way wasn’t always comfortable. It required courage from the new players and humility from folks, like Wambach, who were used to telling, not listening. But Pia was a model leader.
CALL TO THE WOLFPACK:
Claim your power, and bring along your full humanity. Clear the way for others to do the same. Because what our families, our companies, and the world needs is nothing more—and nothing less— than exactly who we are.
#8 – Find Your Pack
Old Rule: You’re on your own.
New Rule: You’re not alone. You’ve got your Pack.
CALL TO THE WOLFPACK:
Life is not meant to be lived as a Lone Wolf. We all need a Pack.
Time to Change the Game
Wambach pleads, “Forget me. Forget my number. Forget my name. Forget I ever existed. Forget the medals won, the records broken, and the sacrifices made. I want to leave a legacy where the ball keeps rolling forward. Where the next generation accomplishes things so great that I am no longer remembered. So—Forget me. Because the day I’m forgotten is the day we will succeed.”
Soccer didn’t make me who I am. I brought who I am to soccer, and I get to bring who I am wherever I go. So do you. So don’t just ask yourself, “What do I want to do?” Ask yourself: “Who do I want to be?” The most important thing I’ve learned is that what you do will never define you for long. Who you are always will. We are the Wolves. There is magic inside of us. There is power among us. Let’s unleash and unite.
As a reminder, here are the 8 rules Wambach says “will change the game”:
- Create your own path.
- Be grateful for what you have AND demand what you deserve.
- Lead now—from wherever you are.
- Failure means you’re finally IN the game.
- Be FOR each other.
- Believe in yourself. Demand the ball.
- Lead with humanity. Cultivate Leaders.
- You’re not alone. You’ve got your Pack.
To follow this vision, Wambach co-founded the Wolfpack Endeavor (http://abbywambach.com/wolfpack-endeavor/), which is revolutionizing leadership development for women in the workplace and beyond through her champion mind-set, individualized coaching, and team-bound focus.